pinikir: (Default)
pinikir ([personal profile] pinikir) wrote2012-05-27 08:30 pm

If I set myself up to fail, then failing won't be bad

Final free therapist session took place last week. I think it was the most traumatic one and that it did the most good? Today I feel good, and like I can tackle the heart of some of my worst problems.

I set myself up to fail so that I'm prepared for failure. I had reached the point I lied when I said I was ready and had done things/prepared and shrugged it off when I failed.

...the thing was it made my completely numb. Like I couldn't feel anything or care about what I was doing.

It stems back to not being able to make my dad less angry and to being told constantly oh don't try that you've only got one hand. So it was easier not to try.

And I've let so many opportunities go passed because it's been so easy to let things slide and it wasn't even hurting my anymore so it was grand.

But it is unhealthy. I found out how much its impacted choices and now its hurting again so I am going to fix this.

So yes, I am back and on the right track.

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